"You had gone to meet Raathi", he asked as she kept the car keys on the table.
"Hmm...", she just hummed instead of giving any definite answer.
"So, you want divorce. Is that the reason why you had gone to see him?" He probed her further with a sarcastic smile. "Don't forget. He is my friend, first and then a lawyer." He added.
"....*sigh*...I don't want to divorce you....Juss want to free you from ME." She replied with a choked and tired voice.
"What will you do after that?". He asked as he sipped his drink from the glass without shifting his gaze from her. Just then his phone rang. She knew it was her.
"Hi! Love, I will call you back in a minute." He answered hurriedly with a smile.
Her heart wrenched in pain as she heard him address Her as 'love'. She glanced at him with tearful eyes and left without answering his question. She shut the door behind her. She wanted him to stop her but she knew he wouldn't. She hoped, hoped badly for him to barge into the room and draw her into his arms. Kiss her madly and say, "I am sorry. It was a mistake, it won't happen again. It was all a mistake." But nothing of that sort happened. She was so right about him but for once she hoped to be wronged so badly.
P.S. My second attempt at writing fiction. I know am terrible in writing but just gave it a another shot. Hope its not complete crap and makes some sense. Couldn't think of an apt title so haven't titled it. Suggestions are welcome.
58 comments:
ohh cummon!! it wasnt bad!! the story was good!! but u dint gave it the proper narration it deserved..as if u were in a hurry to point out the end!! try to linger :)
its definitely not bad at all.....
its vry well written....d plot ws quite gud....
do write more fiction....coz its gr8
cheers :)
It is good. But whats the ending... ? Open ended. ..?
Hmmm..
Attempts are good...:)
Not crap obviously..
Good one..
Cheers
Nuts
awwwwwww.. it was really nice T.T
you are not bad at all.. you are awesome you know? ^__________^
It was a nice attempt....the plot was as good one....
Do try more... :)
Hi shas, it is definitely a nice attempt..the tempo was good throughout.. nice one..:)
Try many more..
hmmmm it was good dear...try to write more :)
Not bad, but you could do better.
It was really good.. I liked it. :)
Vivek.
your fiction is quite realistic :-)
who said it was "crap"?...instead i was thinking i was reading a novel.A Complete "SUPER-AWESOME" post.
Plz continue it.
By the way a complete makeover of your blog....WOW ! :)
I really Loved it! But there could have been a tinge of suspense there! But it was lovely!
A sincere attempt!
You know, when people start writing fiction, fabulously, just like you did, it makes me a little jealous for the lack of creativity to write something that I have never seen or experienced.
It is a beautiful story...will it have an end?
Regards
Blasphemous Aesthete
the plot is good, and i would love it if you add a twist in the end
Hey this is so good, you must try writing more of such kinds...
Cheers :)
hum ne na chaha tha woh tanha lamha
albatta khuda khair kare, unki rawani ki..
I liked it..! you told me you will see my blogs archives...anyway Busy bee..
Keep smiling!
thanks for the comment :) i shifted to silentlyexpress.wordpress.com
@buckingfastard,
Thanks! I tried to expand the story but somehow i couldn't proceed, it somehow got split into two. I couldn't linger much on it maybe because i was focusing on the intensity of the moment rather than on the plot.
@ The Aspirant,
Thanks for those encouraging words. Will try to make more such attempts :)
@ Sameera,
For the moment you can consider it as open-ended. Am writing the final part of it so there i will give a proper conclusion to it.
@ Nipun,
Thanks!
@ Chocolate lover,
Thaanku for such a chocolaty comment :)
@ Urvashi,
Thanks! Ya, sure will try writing more.
@ Being Pramoda,
Thanks! for boosting my confidence :)
@ an ordinary gal,
Thanks!!
@ The survivor,
Thanks! Will try to be better next time hopefully.
@ Vivek,
Thanks!!
@ Raaji,
Thanks! n its nice to see you here after a long time :)
@ Simply ashu,
Thanks friend for being so generous in your praise. Ya, am writing the final part of it. Hope i will be able to do justice to it.
Am glad you liked the template :)
@ Shruti,
Thanks! Ya, even i wanted to build up on suspense but somehow i got so caught up in trying to build up on the element of pain that somehow i could not focus on the element of suspense.
@ Angel,
Thanks!!
@ Anonymous Speaking,
Thankss! am feeling a bit funny as i had never thought that such a naive attempt would ever arouse jealousy in someone :)
Ya, it will have an end. Am working on the final part, if it will come out well then i will post it.
@ ani_set,
Thanks! Will try to work on it in my next piece :)
@ Rashmi,
Thanks! Now that i have managed to pass the test of fire, will consider writing more :D
@ Makk,
Thanks! for those awesome words. Hey! sorry (n no sorry...lolzz) had been really busy so couldn't check out your previous posts. Will do so when i get the time :)
@ ani_aset,
Sorry, i misspelled your name. Sure, i have already visited your new blogaddress. Check i have left my footprints there :D
is this fiction? things like this happens always at my neighbors house( ;-) )...nice post...
This was definitely not bad at all for a first attempt. For me this is rather good. I am so incapable of writing fiction!
It's not bad at all! Infact it's short and hard hitting..the way I like it ! Good... Please Continue !
Very good i would say.. but why wud she want him back.. i beleive once a liar always a liar.. no matter who.. she is better off without HIM.. and he can go to his on the side ..
just my views thats all.. the story is good though..
not bad ...it was good.
continue this story...
will wait...
take care :)
great attempt...
Liked it..
Following you...!!
Vinz
Wow!! Very nicely written. Emotions well captured.
@ Aswin Ram,
Well, there are times when life imitates fiction and vice-versa :)
@ Cinderella,
Thanks! Well i had a tough time writing this one as writing stories doesn't come easily to me also. Just give it a try maybe you can surprise yourself :)
@ The Enduring Spirit,
Thanks! for such a positive feedback. Hope am able to churn out a good one next time if not better.
@ Bikramjit,
Thanks! Ya, she should move on but somehow it is difficult for her as she is deeply and emotionally attached to him. The matters of the heart are so complicated.
@ rainboy,
Thanks! But now am getting a bit nervous as there is growing expectation for the next one. Hope i am able to pull it through.
@ Vinz,
Thanks for following me n welcome. Thanks a ton for taking the pain to read up my previous posts and comment on them, too. Hope you have a good time here.
@ Insignia,
Thanks!!
one of the hardest things for writeres to do is end well...you bring it home nicely in this piece...wrapping it up wth a bow...keep at it...it only gets better.
Amidst dirty shades of experiences life still intensely searches for rhythm of sustenance...this feeling I adore...it is not a success or a failure that scripts the life, it scripts only how such success or failure strikes the chords of the conscious self to reveal new world of music within the soul !!
Regards,
Nice one :)
Cheers
Randeep
@ Brian Miller,
Thanks for your comments and the observation =)
@ Saibarman,
Thanks !!
@ Randeep,
Thanks!!
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